Learning more about what I want, and what I want to change.

It seems that I am always learning (or relearning) things about myself.  Sometimes I think it doesn’t really take a lot to make me happy.  Other times I wonder if I will ever be happy.  I am fortunate to have the job I have but many times I take it for granted.  I know that in previous relationships I have taken my SO for granted.  The strange thing is, I enjoy having a woman (or even women) in my life.  I am a very passionate person, sexually and just with others in general.  I love to please and to be pleased.  For too long I have tried to drown my passion.  After my divorce I was really depressed.  But I know that I can’t live my life fully while trying to block out an important part of who I am.  I don’t think I need a relationship right now as much as I want to have fun with someone and have that reciprocated in kind.

I ramble through all of this as I think about yesterday.  I have been emailing a very lovely lady blogger.  Our emails were mostly just getting to know each other and see what we have in common.  Last night though the emails turned into more teasing and flirting.  I loved it.  I know it sounds corny but I needed that.  I need to know that I can interest and excite someone as much as she does for me.  While my relationship with this lady will never be more than what we have online (for several very important reasons that I will not divulge here) what we did share was exciting, sensual, and FUN!  And FUN is what I need a lot more of in my life.  I suppose this is step one out of the rut.  I hope the other steps are just as enjoyable.